In a recent conversation with my sister, we were discussing our various stages of decrepitness (decreption?  Decrepitation?).  Anyway, I think this seems to be common among Seniors.  We talk about our aches and pains and our medicines and our dietary problems.  This talk usually leads into the inevitable bathroom talk but we won’t go there today.  (lol, a pun).

There are some other challenges that we both have dealt with throughout our lives but are now becoming more difficult.  The fact that we are short ( 5’ ish) has been a cause of some difficulties.  i.e. reaching things on the top two shelves of the cabinets in most kitchens, reaching things on the top shelves in the grocery stores, finding a chair that allows our feet to touch the floor when sitting in them, having to shorten all clothes we buy, (leading to a proficiency in sewing), needing a pillow to drive a car so that we can reach the pedals (this problem fixed itself with the advent of power seats).  Ahh the adaptability of humans.

I have digressed it seems, but this also is a privilege of the Decrepits.  As we were talking, we realized that we would have great difficulty if we had to live alone.  In addition to our vertical challenge, we now have decreased strength, eyesight, dexterity, balance and flexibility. I currently use a wooden spoon or barbecue tongs to knock thing off the top shelf of my kitchen cabinets, then catch them.  Needless to say I keep light non breakables up there.  The alternative is a step stool which requires me to go to the utility room and carry it back to the kitchen, figure out how to open it, then climb up,  reach the item,  hold on to it, then decide weather to let go of the hand hold on back of the stool or let go of the item as I really am more comfortable using two hands.  The supermarket shelves present another problem.  I usually don’t carry my tongs with me and I invariable find that all the “healthy” cereals are on the top shelf.  They put the sweetened,  fruity cavity producing ones on the center shelves so the kids can beg their Mothers for them.  This makes me behave in a way not always comfortable for me.  I am forced to ask a stranger to reach things for me.  There is rarely a helpful clerk around.  I usually check out the other shoppers then choose the most likely person to help me.  Tall Moms with only one child with them (don’t want to distract them and be responsible for lost children, or tall elderly men that are shopping alone, (don’t want to spark a jealous wife).  Sometimes there are slim pickens so I attempt to use another box of cereal to knock the one I want off the shelf.  This usually draws a crowd and I most likely will get the box I want.

One of the biggest problems is opening things.  As you may have noticed, many of our canned goods now come with a ring to pull to take off the top.  What was the matter with the can opener?  Both my sister and I have great difficulty pulling up on the ring while holding the can tightly.  This is worse when the can is larger than the soup can size. I have bought stock in stain remover products because if I don’t hold the can steady, I wind up wearing the product inside.  I can see the usefulness of this type of can opening for the Military, or for people on camping trips, or for aid to starving and destitute people who may not ever have heard of a can opener.

I can just see the young, strong workers in the test kitchens at one of the food manufacturers ……”Wow”  you guys, “this is great! People will love it.  No more hunting in the drawer for the can opener, no more electric openers cluttering up the counter top, this has tremendous possibilities,   the Military, Boy Scouts, Astronauts, people will love it.”

Hmm.  I wonder who they got to test them.  Eagle Scouts, Lance Corporals, Harley Riders, testosterone loaded teenage boys?  While we are on the subject of teen age boys, I am sure they can open milk bottles with a simple twist before they raise the gallon bottle up over their shoulders and glug from the jug.  I need to get out the old beer can opener (good thing I saved one) and break the lower ring with it.  Then I can twist the top of the bottle off.  Some other products with similar caps are soda, mayonnaise, hot sauce, peanut butter etc.  The cap on these is stronger and will not break with the opener.  I have to ask for help.  I understand the need for tamper proof evidence in this day and age and more’s the pity that we need it.  But tho they look pretty sitting on the cupboard shelf they do me no good if I can’t open them.

I recently bought chicken broth in the new packaging rather than in a can. Its a box shape lined with foil. Ingenious!  I thought this would be better and I would avoid the dreaded pull ring.  Wrong!  There is a neat little door on the top which opens easily….but, there is a pull tab on the inside that is foil backed.  It is slippery and I couldn’t grab it.  I had to ask my husband to do it.  It is that fine motor pinch that my arthritic hands have trouble with.  I need to keep a pair of pliers in the drawer with the shiny, seldom used can opener.

Next I will address the cereal box liners.  Yikes, what have they done to the inner bag?  No matter how I try, I can’t pull the layers apart.  I refrain from using the scissors as this makes it hard to fold the top down to keep the cereal fresh.  Again, I have to ask for help!  I know the old ones used to open up at the seams sometimes, or rip down the side spilling cereal into the box.  This was never a problem for me as I had lots of kids and the cereal never lasted long enough to get stale.  Since cereal moves much more slowly nowadays, I find myself pouring the cereal into zip lock bags after cutting up the packaging.

Now on to the zip lock bags.  There are zip lock and then there are ZIP locks.  The original bags were easy to open and shut.  However, there is a kind of zip lock that manufacturers package their goods in that are very hard to open.  I think they have deeper grooves or something.  Takes two adults to grasp and pull!.

I am sure that this all seems trivial and  you may wonder why I am wasting your time and mine.   Well, just wait til you get there.  I have visions of having a home aid person come in on shopping day to open all my groceries.  I would have to put everything in containers and refrigerate it. ( I am afraid the cat would have to stick with dry food, who wants all that fishy stuff sitting in your fridge).  Maybe this could work into a job for unemployed teens.  They could charge by the hour or the can.  Would be better than flipping burgers, right?  Or shoveling snow and mowing lawns. ?   OR, better yet, maybe I can ask the super market checker to open everything as she checks it out.  Can you imagine being in line behind someone who has food stamps, coupons, needs to write a check, and you have to wait for the bagger or checker to open all the cans and boxes?  No wonder that meals on wheels is so popular.  Also the attendance at senior centers for meals testifies to the problems of getting at our food in its modern packaging.

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